This Darkness Within Me
by okh-eshivar
Summary: Robin begins acting strangely around the strawhats. While most of the crew is more worried than anything, Zoro suspects she's been hiding something from them. Something even more dangerous than her previous secrets. A darkness that runs deeper than any.
1. Chapter 1

Warning: This story doesn't make a lot of sense, so bare with me, alright? Excellent. Let's begin.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, but I am obsessed with Robin.

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Chopper carefully placed the glass test tube on the metal clamp.

'That should do it' he thought to himself before reaching for the dial next to the burner beneath the tube. His mindful hooves turned the knob gently, placing it not one degree above 457.

'Hmmm. Better set it on 459 just to be sure…'

His thoughts were interrupted by a feminine yelp and a loud crash, accompanied by the sound of breaking glass. He jumped from his perch and hurried over to the doorway, peeking out onto the deck to see what had caused the commotion. He and Robin were the only ones left on the ship, after the others had departed to investigate a nearby island. He rushed out onto the deck and scanned the area, looking for the noise's source, when his blue nose caught the strong scent of coffee and…blood? He took in a big whiff of air to be sure. Yeah, that was definitely blood…

He followed the smell until he came to the door of the kitchen, which was slightly cracked open but not so much that he could see inside.

"Robin? Are you in here?" No answer came. But he was sure the scent was coming from here…

"Robin?" He pushed the door open quietly and took two steps in, his movements hesitant. Something wasn't right…

As soon as he turned the corner, his nose grabbed onto something else. A smell that was much heavier than the others. Something burning…not food…at least, not the kind of food he would eat. It was dull and sweet, like gunpowder and blood. He glanced down, his breath hitching at what seemed to be the source of the yell he had heard.

It was Robin. She was on the ground, her back arched across her folded legs and her forehead resting on her knees. Her arms were tucked between her legs and chest, minute drops of blood dripping from their long, elegant fingers onto the hard tile floor.

"Robin!" He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him until he was at her side, patting her back to get her attention.

"Are you alright? What happened?!" She didn't respond, didn't move. He bent down to see her face, but her black hair shrouded her features effectively.

"Robin!" He said, a bit louder this time. His voice was suddenly laced with panic. He shook her again with more force.

"I'm…alright, Doctor-san…" Her voice was frail and meek, like that of a sick child. She picked up her head, slowly, and faced him with a weak smile. He mentally gasped at the state of her features. Beneath her eyes were deep, dark circles, accompanied by lazy eyelids that hung half-heartedly above her eyes. Her smile was weary and looked much more forced than usual.

"What…What happened?" Chopper asked, gulping a little harder than normal.

"I'm sorry…I was pouring myself some coffee and my hand slipped…I dropped the cup, too…I went to pick up the shards and my foot slipped on the hot water on the floor and I fell…Then I went to lift myself up and I gripped the hot burner by accident…Then I fell again, and my hand landed in the glass…" Her smile still lingered, even while recounting the painful event. Chopper winced. He knew from experience that even touching a hot burner, let alone completely gripping one, was more than a little painful and sticking your hand in a pile of broken glass was no walk in the park, either. But doing both consecutively, one right after another…. He shuddered at the thought. He reached out, gently grasping her exposed wrist.

"That sounds bad…Here, let me take a look—"

"No!" she yelled abruptly, tearing her hand from his and cradling it carefully to her chest, biting her bottom lip as to resist crying out in pain. "No…it…it's fine, thank you."

He looked at her, bewildered. Fine? She just put her hand in serious trauma! How can she say it's fine?!

"But…with a wound like that going untreated…infection is almost guaranteed! Let me just bandage it up for you—"

She stood suddenly, her body swaying dangerously at first. She clutched onto the counter with her uninjured hand to steady herself. "I…I can handle it myself…" she whispered almost inaudibly as she moved towards the door, the hand that balanced her skimming her surroundings as she walked.

She ignored the reindeer's protests and continued out onto the deck, taking the appropriate amount of steps it took to reach the floor's edge. She looked over the short wall into the water below. She shouldn't be here. It was dangerous. She hadn't slept in four days and she was half-asleep already and she couldn't swim and her hand hurt terribly and she had zero coordination whatsoever at the moment and…the blood was getting everywhere and…and her head was spinning…and she had no idea what she was doing over here in the first place and…and…

And…

A rush of air and a splash of cold water was the last thing Robin remembered before succumbing to an overwhelming urge to sleep.

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What? Confusing? What are you talking about?

Leave a comment and wait for the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Guess what? More confusion!! Feel free to comment with some guesses as to where I'm going with this!!

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'Where…am I?'

The raven-haired woman attempted to move a hand to her head, but found it impossible. Her body was so tense…

No, not tense, just…limp. She felt as if every single one of her muscles had fallen free from her bones, peeled away from the tissue and tendon that bound it to her body, and suddenly gave out, tearing itself from her being, falling away… It was the feeling one experienced when they hovered between unconsciousness and waking. That state of mind where you knew you were awake, yet your body was too relaxed to budge, too weak to stir even slightly. Like you were puppet, but the puppeteer wasn't there to force your limbs to move, so you just hung there by your strings, waiting for the commanding hand to return. She had felt this way before once.

She was hemorrhaging after being hit by an enemy weapon; her so-called 'nakama' had fled in fear for their own lives, and left her behind to die. As she lay in a deep pool of her own blood, she felt her body drain out, as if the very thing that willed them to move in the first place was being sucked out. She listened to the sound of her veins and arteries emptying onto the ground beneath her, the noise similar to the one that was trapped within a seashell. That wonderful rushing rhythm…

A man she had met once had told her it was the sound of the ocean, its music wedged between the rigid, twisted surface of the shell's insides. Though she would never outwardly express it, she secretly wished it somehow truly was the ocean. She wished that there really was some kind of unexplainable magic in this world, some mighty force that, no matter how hard they tried, man would never be able to grasp its concept. She didn't want everything to have a reason. A reason made it debatable. A reason made it so much more finite. A reason made it…real.

'Welcome back.'

This voice…what is it…?

'You stupid little girl. When will you learn? Why do you insist on hurting yourself over and over?'

Suddenly, as if she was trapped in some surreal dream, a version of herself appeared above her, staring down at her with the face of an eight year old girl. Robin looked up at her from her lying position, unable to express her confusion.

'Have you forgotten me already, Robin? The pain I suffered, because you kept making the same mistake again and again?'

"Mis…take…?" she managed to say. It felt as if she had a giant slab of stone pressing against her chest with the weight of the entire sea balanced on top of it.

'Trust' the little girl replied. Robin blinked, and suddenly the eight year old was ten, face bloody and clothes caked with dirt. 'It's a dangerous game, Robin. A game you can never win, no matter how many times you play…' She blinked again, and the girl was twelve, tears rolling down her cheeks and dress badly torn. '…or how confident you are about your hand. You will never win. Never.'

No…

'Yes. You will always be alone. You were not supposed to exist, Robin. The world is your enemy. You must never befriend the enemy…' The twelve year old was suddenly 14, expression hardened and blood splattered across her face. '…Or you will continue to suffer. I…' She was 16 now, kneeling beside her, face inches from her own. '…Am your only friend, Robin. I am the only one who will never betray you, never turn their back you, never leave you to die.'

"But…you're…me…"

'That's right, Robin.' She kissed her forehead gently. 'You are your only ally. Do you understand?' When she withdrew, she was 19, baring her trademark smile. 'These people are not your friends. They will turn their backs on you as soon as it becomes the most convenient thing to do, just like everyone else.'

"I…I…" she couldn't force the words out. "No…they…won't…" she felt so helpless.

Suddenly, the girl was eight years old again, this time with tears welling up in her eyes. She collapsed to her knees, crying into her hands. Robin swore she felt the moisture on her own.

'Are you still thinking about what Saul said? How foolish are you?! It's been twenty years of the same thing! Of pain and suffering and hurt and betrayal! Of loneliness and the pain in your chest every time someone stabbed you in the back! Of having your hopes bashed over and over and over again every time you thought you found somewhere where you're accepted! It's the same thing! They aren't any different!! Why can't you see that?! Why can't you ever see that?!! Why are you always so weak?!!!' She sobbed, her tears falling into the blackness below them and disappearing beneath the thick blanket of oblivion. Suddenly, she was Miss All Sunday, chest gashed deep and blood running from her mouth. 'Do you really want all of this to happen again? Everything that you've worked so hard to build up a steel shell against? Do you really want to know that pain again?'

"No…" she replied weakly, the lump in her throat refusing to budge.

'No…I didn't think so.' Then, the woman became something that she had never seen before. No, she had, it's just that…it seemed more like a dream than reality. Her eyes turned from sharp blue to a bloody crimson, and her expression fell into a stoic stare, hard and penetrating. 'I can save you, Robin. I can save you from the pain that you will experience, from the betrayal that you will inevitably face. I can rescue you from that sorrow before you can feel it. Is this what you want?'

She hesitated. What was this? These promises, they felt so…real. More real than any words she had heard from the so-called companions of her past. She didn't know how to react, what to say, what to feel. Something in the back of her mind was whispering her name, pushing her forward, telling her to trust this. She felt the soft brush of a hand on her cheek as the woman knelt beside her, caressing her face gently. This is…

"Robin? Do you want my help? Do you…" Her expression was that of perfect peace and tranquility, even through the light of her blood red eyes and pale skin. Her smile was soft and welcoming. "…want the pain to stop?"

"Yes…" she answered, tears beginning to find their way into her eyes. This suffocating weight…was it the weight of her sins, her suffering, her memories, her past? Her _future_?

She didn't want that weight baring down on her anymore. She wanted to _breathe_. She didn't want to drown like she had been for the last twenty years of her life.

God, she just wanted to _**breathe!**_

The hands went to her back, pulling her into the red-eyed woman's chest. She felt arms envelop her, cradling her, soothing her. Long, relaxing fingers ran through her raven hair and the tears came harder. The woman placed her chin on the top of Robin's head intimately, letting her cry into her chest.

"Hush now. It's all right. I won't let you feel this pain. I will end it before it starts. I am your friend." She lifted Robin's chin up and pressed her forehead against her's. "You see? Wasn't that easy? If you hadn't overreacted the first time I spoke to you in the kitchen you wouldn't have hurt yourself like you did." She placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Just remember, Robin…"

"I am your only friend."

With that, the red-eyed woman faded, her touch falling away. Robin reached out, attempting to capture the ghost of her presence. Her smile remained dancing on her lips with a calm consistency.

"Be seeing you…Robin." And with that, she was gone.

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She awoke to find leather bonds restraining her limbs, binding them to a cold steel table.

"What…?" She tugged weakly at the restraints. Why did she feel so drained suddenly? Her entire body felt as if it was as brittle as a dying leaf.

"Is…anyone…" She could hardly speak. Suddenly, a large hand came through the darkness that surrounded her and grasped the table, pulling its body forward and revealing the face of its master. Blue hair shone in the dull light.

"Franky…?"

"Robin? You awake?" The question seemed rather foolish.

"I…yes…yes, but…why am I…?" He ran a nervous hand threw his thick hair, which was buckled over and lacking its usual luster.

"Yeah, sorry about that. After we pulled you out of the water you started thrashing around violently, so we had to restrain you while Reindeer-Bro took care of your wounds. Gotta say, you're a lot stronger than I thought you would be. It took both me and Zoro to hold you down long enough to get the bonds on you…Oh, crap, here, let me get you out of those…"

He reached over her, unlatching the leather belts farthest from him, her right forearm and the long strip of leather that bound both of her ankles to the table. He undid her other wrist soon afterwords, followed by the buckle latched at her forehead and her waist.

Robin brought both of her hands to her face, noting how badly they were shaking. God, she could barely hold her arms up, she felt so weak.

"Robin? You feeling okay?" His voice was riddled with concern, something very out of character for the normally happy-go-lucky shipwright.

She chuckled quietly. "Yes…no…I'm not sure. I feel so drained and weak and…" The sudden memory of a red-eyed woman flooded her mind, her words echoing into the deepest depths of her mind.

'_I am your only friend.'_

"And…" A vicious shiver raked through her entire body, causing her to visibly shake. Franky leaned over, worry apparent in his features.

"Hey, relax. You're safe, alright? It's probably best if you sleep it off for now. Reindeer-Bro said that you haven't been getting enough of that, you know."

Her mind went blank for a moment, and her train of thought slipped from her grasp.

"Enough of what?"

"Sleep! Sheesh, you seriously need to rest, especially if I'm losing you after something as simple as an easy-to-follow thought. You want to go back to your room, or just stay here?"

"I'll…stay here…" She hardly had the energy to lift her arms, let alone walking all the way back to her room. She'd probably end up passing out on the floor somewhere in this condition.

He leaned back in the chair he had apparently been sitting rigidly on. "I'll stay here too then, just in case you need anything, all right?"

She nodded, letting her body go completely limp against the table, her eyelids closing under their heavy weight. She felt the light softness of fabric against her skin abruptly, causing her to force her eyes open again. A flash of red and green caught her sight, immediately allowing her to identify the material: his shirt. It wasn't very thick, although it seemed to radiate heat from its surface. She let a weak 'Thank you' flow through her lips before darkness overtook her once again, this time under much more restful circumstances.

Outside, a green haired swordsman rubbed his arms, trying to soothe away the ache of his previous endeavor. Goddamn it, that woman needed to cut her fingernails. All her thrashing had nearly ripped all the skin off his biceps, leaving shallow yet still painful incisions trailing down his arms.

He looked up into the night sky from his place in the crow's nest, contemplating that day's earlier events. What the hell was wrong with that woman this time?

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It was really rushed and probably really really OOC, so…sorry!!

Like it? Hate it? Let me know! Snuck a little Frobin in, hope no one minds ^_^.


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